This may be a controversial topic but I’m going to say it anyway.

What if the term “glass ceiling” is a limiting belief?

In the 1980’s “the glass ceiling” was a phrase that gained popularity as a way to represent the idea that women were hitting a limit of how far they could rise in a company and in compensation. It’s glass because it’s not quite as overt as a solid ceiling that is right out in the open. Instead, it’s a barely visible, unacknowledged barrier between the success of the female and equality with her male counterparts.

It was an important concept because we do need to acknowledge the darkness in order to clear it – But, it’s a new day people.

I challenge you to take a minute and wonder if the term “glass ceiling” is in and of itself now acting as a limiting belief?

I know many of you will not want to hear this but I’m going to tell you that in my career in Human Resources and specifically my experience with recruiting, women often asked for less money and accepted more of a work load than their male counterparts. Very often.

So as we are saying that men in the work place are taken more seriously, get paid more, work less hard to be promoted, are we accepting that as a truth instead of expecting the same for ourselves?

AND if we are accepting that as truth, can we stop doing that please????

When you take a new job or take on new responsibility, I want you to stop and really take a minute to do your homework and know what the job is worth and what it can ultimately pay (see Salary Negotiation Tips to Know Your Worth and Align Your Energy To It). Then, go for the top dollar amount. Know your worth!

Don’t sell yourself short.

We as women tend to be harder on ourselves (and each other!) than our male counterparts. We feel we need more education, more experience, more years in the job before we feel comfortable asking for more money.

We do need experience, we do need to know what we are talking about and be good at what we do, BUT we need to accept the positive feedback when it comes and really embrace the fact that we are already good at it when we are being promoted or going for the new job.

I have a client who is a perfect example of this. She is a teacher for Special Day classes and I’ve never seen someone more committed to making a difference in those children’s lives. Yet, she would always tell me that she didn’t think she was good at her job and felt like she was “winging it.” I would remind her about the many parents she told me would burst into tears of gratitude during the parent teacher conferences because they were so relieved and overjoyed at the progress their child was making, how she was teacher of the year, and how her principal often used her class for tours to show the district how well the school was running. Let the positive feedback in! With feedback like that she should not feel that she’s not good at her job or that she’s just “getting by.”

Men seem to have this issue less. I’ll use my husband as an example and hope he won’t kill me for it. Every night he will take off his boxers and he will kick them up into the air and catch them in his hand. Then he says proudly, “Did you see that?” He is super proud of this ability to kick and catch his own underwear and never ceases to be amused by it. Night after night. He doesn’t need an award and I believe he does this even if I’m not there to witness it, lol. It’s simple, I know, but seeing him find such pride in something so ridiculous reminds me how much we as women tend to beat ourselves up and how little we celebrate our victories. Even the small ones.

I tell this story tongue in cheek, but I really have observed that men tend to be proud of their accomplishments, no matter how small, and make sure they are recognized for them much more openly and frequently than women.

Women, please hear me. We do not need to be so hard on ourselves. We can be proud of the small things and see our value. We can pat ourselves on the back for balancing our work life with parenting. With keeping up with healthy meals in the face of stress. For committing to an exercise routine that allows us to be clear-minded at work.

AND we can be proud of our work! We can let in the compliments. We can believe them. We can ask for the money we should be making.

We can be heard in a room full of men or we can find another room to speak where we are heard.

We can trust that we know how to run companies just as successfully as our male counterparts and most of all we can embrace that we represent both the sacred masculine and sacred feminine and we don’t need to be one or the other (see Why You Should Cry At Work).

We can release this idea of a glass ceiling and decide there is no limit for us.

No limit.

No ceiling.

No barrier.

Just our unlimited potential to be what we want to be and get there in a way that feels TRUE to our inner beings.

Not how we think we should have to be.

If you don’t believe me look at Oprah Winfrey. Her upbringing could have completely limited her ability to succeed. Her rocky start could have kept her from using her voice in the world and what a shame it would’ve been.

But it didn’t. She kept following her passion and became such a leader in self-help topics that are still just as powerful, if not more powerful, than when she started her career.

Find your voice.

Find your passion.

Don’t worry about your male counterparts.

Forge your own way.

You can do it.

We did not come here to play it safe or to play quietly in the shadows.

Did we?

XOXO,

Ignite the Sacred Feminine in the Workplace with These 5 Unexpected Books!

This post may contain affiliate links. Please read our disclosure for more info.

I recognize this seems like an odd collection of books, but I hope you bear with me as I explain why I would say that these five books can ignite your sacred feminine in the work place!

I should also preface this by saying I’m not against the masculine in the workplace, only that for too long it’s been running the show! I believe women’s voices are largely overlooked, unheard, and the idea that we have to push for results (masculine) rather than allow (feminine) is a way we no longer have to be.

It should be a balance.

In order to come to balance, it’s time for the sacred feminine to enter the workforce and allow for the sacred masculine to meet her. It may not be quick and it may shock many of the men in the room, but it’s necessary.

If you haven’t read my post on Why You Should Cry at Work, it’s a helpful read to understand my position on why I feel holding emotions in, trying to operate from the traditional masculine that we’ve gotten used to, is outdated – and well, just plain boring.

When I first entered the corporate work place so many moons ago, I quickly discovered that my ideas went largely unheard. Which is okay considering I was a newbie and didn’t understand the ways of business yet and had a lot to learn.

But as time went on, I began to see something more concerning. As I become more knowledgeable, more of an expert in my field, more educated in business with even the coursework to back it up, my voice still went largely unheard.

My voice was unheard while my male counterparts, with the equivalent or less experience, were largely supported.

I would have an idea that was shot down in minutes only to be brought up a day later by a male colleague and it would be a great idea when coming from him. No one would seem to remember that I had already brought it up!

Now, several years of awakening later and really learning to OWN my energy and power, I know that this had more to do with me than with them.

Thankfully times they are a changing and these books were beyond significant to my stepping into my Sacred Feminine when it comes to work.

I am no longer willing to blend to fit in.

I am no longer willing to pretend that my values aren’t my family, my sense of self, and my intuitive gifts.

I am no longer willing to be in an energetically dense environment and have to lower my vibe to do my job rather than be able to shine my light brightly.

I’m no longer afraid to say that shining my light matters more to me than anything else.

I give the authors of each of these books credit for reaching me at a time when I really was ready to have their words support me. To have them be the way showers for me to really OWN what I feel is my right to be happy. My right to be happy in all areas of my life, including work.

Not only be happy, but I feel completely aligned with my life purpose. My reason for being on this planet.

Which really, what more can you ask for???

Well, maybe a million dollars, but the book for that is included in this post too, lol.

How about you? Are you ready to embrace your feminine side and allow it to bring harmony to your work life? Are you ready to truly trust your intuition rather than go against it because that’s the way it’s always done?

Here is why I think everyone woman rising, and every male who is finding themselves wanting to do things in a different way, should consider reading these books!

1. The Sacred Six. JB Glossinger.

First off, this book is instrumental to providing a process for you to determine what you REALLY want in your work life. What do you value? What is most important? For example, if you say you really value time with your family and then you take a job with a 2-hour commute and 60-hour workweek, you will feel unfulfilled. Developing your Sacred Six helps you make decisions when opportunities arise to make sure your values are always at the forefront.

2. Rise Sister Rise. Rebecca Campbell.

Awww… Rebecca Campbell is vulnerable and honest in holding space for the Sacred Feminine to rise. Not only with this book, but with her online FB group Rise Sister Rise. This is a guidebook to honoring your natural rhythms, visiting sacred places, understand the role of the feminine in the world and so much freaking more. I found it inspiring and a natural fit if you would like to step out of the spiritual closet – even if you don’t know you’re in one, lol. This book made me feel like I was not alone and that I should never compromise.

3. Dying To Be Me: My Journey from Cancer, to Near Death, to True Healing. Anita Moorjani.

Anita Moorjani’s heartfelt account of what she learned from her Near Death Experience and subsequent miraculous healing is such a power-freaking-ful look at what happens to our soul when we hide. When we dim our light. When we allow ourselves to be silenced. She did what she was “supposed” to in terms of her family upbringing and culture but it was so painful and so out of alignment with who she was. I do not want to suggest she gave herself cancer, but I do want to say that her NDE was a gift to the world on why it’s important to really do what it takes to shine. She came back and has used her voice to help others through her books, speaking engagements and Hay House Radio. I hope you read her story and her wisdom.

4. Witch: Unleashed. Untamed. Unapologetic. Lisa Lister.

Lisa Lister. Can I just say “Wow” and leave it at that? Lol. No, I can’t because some people connect to this book and some have a reaction to this book.

I think this book is important for women to read because it’s so many of our spiritual history as to why we can be afraid to speak up and be heard! It’s written in such a way that at first it can feel jarring, but as you continue it’s empowering.

It’s empowering because the energy of the witch hunts has not yet been healed. Women were forced to turn on other women, mothers on daughters. Women were killed for no reason other than someone thought you were conspiring when really you may have just been chatting with a friend.

Worse still, sacred rituals and our ability to connect to nature and the moon cycles was severely impacted by this killing spree.

Lisa Lister shares not only the history but how to come back into our voices and our Magic.

In my story I shared of not being heard in the office, I’ve wondered was it them or me? Was I afraid to be heard or was I not heard for other reasons?

Well, I’m no longer afraid and I credit this book with waking something inside me that has really allowed me to step into a space where I am proud to be female and embrace the sacred feminine in my work where traditional masculine used to be what I followed to be successful.

5. Unleash Your Inner Money Babe: Uplevel Your Money Mindset and Manifest $1,000 in 21 Days. Kathrin Zenkina.

Last but not least, often if we are on a path to really help people heal or somehow shine our light, we can tend to think of money as unimportant or even negative.

I LOVE that Kathrin Zenkina is shattering these beliefs. The world needs abundant people shining our light rather than broke and crumbling. Right?

What I really love most about this book is her Day 17: Squashing Limiting Beliefs chapter. It is great for your money beliefs, but also for ANY limiting belief you may have. Any! I’ve used it for so many barriers I’ve faced to help me get to the next level, and the next one, and the next one.

To me, my focus is always on raising my vibration. I figure the better I feel, the more I can help others and the healthier I am. This book has helped me not only with my money mindset, but in my whole life as well.

If you’ve read, or you do read any of these books, please let me know how you like them in the comments. I hope they are as helpful for you as they’ve been for me.

XOXO,

High vibe work is that work that leaves you feeling on a high after you are done. It can be anything from an amazing conversation about marketing to finishing a project that feels like stars aligned to make it happen. 

But after coming across this idea that amazon might be implementing a wristband that tracks people’s productivity, I’ve been thinking high vibe work and what it means if you don’t have the freedom in your day to support the highs and the lows.

It reminds me of when I used to do in-house Human Resources and managers would come in my office to say that their employees talked too much. “They walk around,” or “They’re always talking” was what I heard pretty frequently.

Thankfully, I wasn’t your typical HR person, even back then. I would sit with the manager and try to understand where the harm was. Was the person getting his/her work completed?

If it turned out they were getting the work done, I would ask the manager to let it go. I would explain how we spend so much time at work that we need those breaks and those connections or we would go crazy.

If the person was not getting their work done, then it was another story. Then it became about making the goals clear so they could manage their time and their own productivity.

But truly, back then something in me knew that we needed to have those breaks.

Once I began working from home, I really became a student of energy and productivity – namely my own! I discovered that I was 100 times more productive at home because I took more breaks. Which sounds backwards right?

I worked less hours and was more productive!

The reason for this was that I would get phone calls or emails with problems and rather than have to keep up with my work without stopping, I would take a walk in nature. While walking I wouldn’t think about work and by the end of the walk I had several solutions to multiple problems. I could walk back in my house fresh and totally clear minded to tackle the issues. Taking a break from thinking about it, created more solutions. I had clarity.

It wasn’t until I took a tour of a Waldorf-inspired elementary school that I understood that we have natural rhythms and when we go against those is when we seem to need the extras. Extra coffee – or in my case I used to need afternoon sweets – to keep us going.

When, you work from home, you can go take a break on the couch with some solfeggio and recharge in a more natural way, but in a workplace it can be VERY challenging.

This is not to say you all should walk out of the office environment so you can work from home (we aren’t all meant to work from home), but pay attention to your ups and downs.

LISTEN TO MUSIC

Consider using different music tempos to help with the times of day when you have more energy and focus, and for the parts of the day where your mind needs a break. Calm and relaxing Tibetan gong music is one of my favorites to calm my mind and I love choosing Eddie Vedder on YouTube for my high energy support.

GROUP YOUR WORK

If your focus is best in the morning, take on your most detailed work in the morning.

If you find by afternoon you are so over talking to people, make sure your meetings and phone calls aren’t scheduled in the afternoons when possible.

GET OUTSIDE!

Talking a walk, or even going outside for 10 minutes to chill, will make a world of difference. If you can do yoga at lunch, that would work too!

ADD SOME RITUAL

Make a ritual out of having your favorite tea somewhere with a view. Set your phone off to the side and allow yourself some peace to recharge. Those 10 minutes here and there will be what you need to sustain your energy rather than burn out!

Food

Pay attention to your food choices. Some foods can make us sleepy and if you’re having a long day, choosing foods that sustain your energy can really help.

STRETCH

Your body will love you for taking time to stretch. Try this video on how to use Therapy balls for your hands and wrists. You’ll feel like you stepped out to the spa because it feels so good.

Find ways to work with who you are naturally rather than try to fit into a mold. You should find that you are actually more productive when you honor your natural rhythm than when you push through it. Pushing through is when it’s so easy to make mistakes or take twice as long to do something.

Also know that your most high vibe work has a refractory period. You need to recoup from really high vibe, intense work.

To answer my own question as to whether or not High Vibe work is sustainable, I say it depends on your ability to understand and support the highs and the lows. We can’t run on adrenaline and cortisol all day every day, we just can’t. What goes up must come down!

If you truly are in a situation where your boss is looking over your shoulder and there’s just no way to manage your energy, I get it! I once had a job where the only break I got was to go sit in the bathroom! That’s how I know you and the universe can co-create a better job for yourself and am happy to share these tips with you on how to do just that.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments about how you recharge your batteries without losing productivity. Do you have a boss looking over your shoulder?

In my former Human Resources profession, I saw 1000’s of resumes. Today, I still have friends and family ask for help with their resumes so I want to give some “do’s” and “don’ts” for those of you who are dusting off your resumes and ready to make them shine!

I know it sounds harsh to say so many resumes look like crap, but after over 10+ years of weeding through them I often find myself wondering, “What is this person thinking?” and “Are they even trying to get this job???

There is no reason in this age of internet technology and resources to have a crappy resume. NO REASON. Recruiters know this, which means if your resume isn’t amazing, unless there are absolutely no other candidates, you are not getting your foot in the door to show how great you are in person.

The most frustrating part is that I think you can do a great job but you aren’t selling yourself in the resume or have a “one-size-fits-all” approach to your paper representation of you.

Maybe you are writing your resume how you think it should look rather than really thinking about Every. Single. Item. On. It.

And then wondering why no one is calling you or saying things like It’s so hard to get a job right now.” It may be hard to get a job, but if you are applying to open positions and you aren’t getting phone interviews, then you may want to do a complete overhaul of your resume and see if you can get better results.

Don’t think of your resume as a formality.

It should be the absolute best representation of you! It should be your sales pitch in a very small window of time to shine, on paper no less, which means it needs to your absolute best effort.
A great resume is what makes you stand out in a pile of applicants.

I can’t tell you the countless typos I’ve seen (I usually forgive 1 but 3 is really pushing it), and the rambling resumes or list of skills that don’t even seem remotely connected to the job I’ve advertised for. I’ve often found myself wondering “Why in the world did this person even apply with such a different skill set?”

I see objectives like “to be a detail-oriented accountant for your firm” and then they apply to a human resources position. I see all different types of job experience listed and no explanation as to what the person is wanting to do for a living. Many people still submit resumes without a cover letter, or they put the wrong company name in the “Dear ________” of the cover letter. Overall, there is such a lack of explanation for what that person has even done in their work life listed.

Stop throwing away your opportunity with a mediocre resume!

It’s hard enough to get noticed and get your foot in the door with a great resume so your resume better also be nothing shy of great.

Every company you apply to, you should spend the time to make sure your resume and cover letter shows why you are a fit for their position. Gone are the days where you just blindly apply with a one-size-fits all cover letter and resume. DON’T DO IT!

Here are some tips to help you get your resume to the top of the “phone interview” pile where it belongs:

DO – Explain anything that doesn’t make sense in the cover letter.

If you are changing careers explain why you have 15 years as a lawyer and are now applying to be an administrative assistant. Maybe you had kids and you want less hours? Maybe you don’t want the stress of being a lawyer? But if you blindly apply the recruiter has absolutely no idea why a lawyer wants to be an admin (I’ve seen this a lot!) and probably assumes you just applied everywhere and didn’t even mean to apply to this job.

Do- Think about your audience. 

Think about who is seeing your resume. Often times it’s an in-house staff member who is not an expert in every position, but who is an expert in finding qualified candidates. He/she is the gatekeeper you need to impress. He/she is your key to getting to the next level -interviewing with the manager. Your resume needs to impress the person weeding through the resumes! Don’t just throw in a list of technical terms and think it’s enough.

Do – Use action words for each bullet if possible.

Google “action words for resumes” and you’ll have pages to choose from.

Do – Show progression.

No matter what your career is, you should be getting better at it and gaining more responsibility as you go. Make sure it reads like a career if you’ve had a few jobs. It doesn’t matter if you are an admin or a manager, you should be progressing and getting better at what you do. You probably are, but make sure it’s demonstrated on your resume.

Do – Keep ongoing track of your accomplishments while you are working at any job.

I always added something I was proud of to an ongoing copy of my resume so that if I ever switched jobs I could remember the highlights. Often times if we are at a company for many years it’s hard to remember the award we got, the system we implemented, or the turnover we reduced. Have it handy.

Do – Use metrics and demonstrated financial savings anywhere you can.

You didn’t “perform in-house recruiting,” you “Reduced expenses by $100,000 per year by bringing recruiting in-house” for example. Make sure you know how to calculate any metrics you include, like in the in-house recruiting example get prior costs and subtract your salary and time from the metric for the true savings.

Do – look at several job descriptions for the type of position you want and make sure your resume shows you have the experience for it.

Do – find someone with the job you are going for and ask to see their resume or look at their linked in profile to see how they did it.

Don’t copy but get an idea how they summed up their experience in a succinct way.

Do – Use this checklist before you apply:

You may be willing to take any job, but the person doing the hiring wants someone who has the skills, will do a great job, and will stay for a few years so that they aren’t always training a newbie. Turnover is expensive and companies are sensitive to that.

Early in my career I used to sort into “call,” “maybe,” and “no” piles. My “maybe” pile had the few typos, didn’t quite make sense, and was iffy. I’ve found, through experience, that if the resume isn’t great, the phone interview wasn’t any better and here’s why:

The person who took the time to really put effort into EVERY SINGLE BULLET knows their resume really well and can take you through specific examples of what they did.

The wishy washy resume usually has a wishy washy phone interview full of “we hit our goals” instead of “I took the project and ran with it” (please stop saying “we” in your interview by the way, we want to know what you specifically did!). This is the person who usually asks you to remind them what company you work for and which position they applied to. You should never tell a company that you don’t know who they are if you applied!

Each bullet on your resume should explain something really amazing you did. Did you “process payroll?” Or did you “Ensure employees were paid accurately and on time,” for example.

You resume should look like you would expect someone’s web presence to look. When you are looking for a doctor, massage therapist, dentist, or a place to eat, anything – you expect to find it enticing and professional. If it isn’t, you probably don’t go to that place or person, right?

Make your resumes count. Spend a lot of time on them! Etsy has great resume formats for sale for less than $5 that look really sharp. There are free templates online as well.

Your resume is your place to exude confidence and really shine! What are you most proud of? What did you do that was really hard but you kicked butt at? You didn’t just “handle travel arrangements” you were an expert at multitasking and making things happen, right?

Don’t make your resume vague or boring! Keep it professional but stand out with your skills.

Recruiting is like dating. There are so many factors to getting the right fit. The best thing you can do is stand out with your resume. Have it be confident, but not arrogant. Visually appealing. Clean. Show progression. Have skills that match the position or do an amazing explanation of why they don’t in the cover letter.

Don’t be the bottom of the pile! I’ve never once made it to the bottom of the pile and have always had a hire more toward the top.

A great free resource is head hunters or staffing agencies. They will give you feedback as they want to place you in a position. They may find you a job in the meantime, which is an added bonus.

I know people don’t really mean to have bad resumes, I think it’s probably a case of “deer in the headlight syndrome” where there’s so much information and so much is riding on it that they are afraid to get it wrong. But your resume has to be meaningful. It has to be a great representation of you!

And “you” want to be confident, show you can get the job done, and stand out. Because if you don’t believe in you, why would someone else be expected to?

If you really struggle with confidence, get a coach! People earn a million more in their lifetime when they have the courage to negotiate salaries. Just. By. Asking. They aren’t better, they believe they should be paid more so they get paid more. They know their worth!

Same goes for your resume. If you aren’t impressed with your skills someone else won’t be either.

But I’m here to tell you there are things you excel at. There are things you do better than anyone. MAKE THAT CLEAR on your resume!

Believe me, when you look at resumes all day you can tell who spends time and who doesn’t. You want to call the one who goes the extra mile because who doesn’t want top talent?

If you still struggle, hire a resume writer. There are many good ones out there and the investment is worth it if it reduces the amount of time you’re unemployed or allows you a new position where you negotiate more pay.

Invest time in your resume because it’s the most important part of your job search. Even if you network they will eventually ask for your resume!

Make it amazing.

XOXO,

Have you ever cried at work or are you in the tears-don’t-belong-in-the-workplace camp?

Now I’m not suggesting that you go to work every day and sit curled up in a ball and cry at your desk. But I am saying that I HATE this stigma that there should be no tears in the workplace.

We are weak if we cry at work, right?

Years ago, I was watching an episode of Shark Tank where Barbara Corcoran told a women that she wasn’t going to partner with her because she cried. She said, “The minute a woman cries, you’re giving away your power. You have to cry privately.” (I love the woman’s response in this post!).

I was thinking “Barbara! Shame on you!!!” Sisterhood, shmisterhood apparently.

Here’s the thing. And I know you’re going to be shocked. You really won’t believe it. It will seem on the cutting edge of modern thought, but here it goes:

PEOPLE HAVE EMOTIONS – EVEN AT WORK!

There, I said it! I know you can’t believe it.

Even further, crying releases those emotions so that you don’t keep them in. We aren’t meant to store our feelings or stuff them down. They become trapped energy. They become a shadow that needs healing as you continue on your merry, spiritual way.

It becomes residual energy rather than released energy.

Now a lot of people cry on Shark Tank so I didn’t understand what was different about this one woman, but in my mind the message was clear from Barbara – “You cannot be weak and crying makes you weak.”

Well, I think we can all agree that Barbara does not seem warm and fuzzy, but does seem a perfect role model for how to get ahead in a man’s world.

But I’m not choosing to live in a man’s world.

I can tell you that I cried twice at work that I vividly remember. Once when I felt my boss was harassing me and she was being so unreasonable that the tears just welled up. I gathered my things, left a voicemail for her, and went home. I came back that Monday to say that I wouldn’t tolerate it and was looking for a new job (which I did and got the heck outta there).

The second time I teared up in front of the President of the Company. I know he made a comment about having to be strong and not cry at work and I’m pretty sure I got demoted (or passed over for promotion) because of it.

Here’s the thing though. Both times I was in an unreasonable situation where I felt borderline abused. I felt I was being attacked, and the people who I expected to defend me were not.

Now, I have since learned how to have energetic boundaries and not be in those unreasonable situations (hello owning my own business means never taking orders from anyone), but in those times I needed the paycheck and was in a really crappy situation.

The time I got teary eyed in front of the President of the Company, I was dealing with a really aggressive sales team. My job was to make sure we were legally compliant, and their job seemed like it was to be really pushy, rude, and get their way no matter what. Even though my role was the gatekeeper, it was really unpleasant to be the one saying “no.” You know that saying “don’t kill the messenger?” Well I was the messenger day after day.

Finally I stood up for myself. I put in an email to one of the sales people that I’d had enough. That she should not be rude to me anymore. Good for me standing up for myself!

Except she had a great relationship with the President and in their eyes brought in a lot of money.

So I got called in for being rude in the email, even though I had countless emails from her demonstrating her behavior.

Which is what made me feel like crying. I felt like he was saying you have to take this abuse every day if you want to work here. Moreover you have to toughen up and not let it bother you.

Which may have been true. Maybe I did need to toughen up against it, but in that moment I felt really let down. Really disappointed that I was the one in trouble for standing up for myself and she was not for being a bully basically.

If I could do anything differently, let me tell you what I would do, even though I didn’t think of it until 10 years later.

Last June I went to a women’s retreat. I didn’t know anyone and I flew to England to go and it was AWESOME!

The first day we sat in circle to introduce ourselves. We got to one woman and as she explained what had drawn her to be in this group she began to cry. She said, “Excuse me. This is so emotional for me. Allow me to just get this out.”

She cried for a good two minutes and we all sat and patiently, warmly waited.

When she was done, she wiped her eyes and continued on without a hint of tears.

I was amazed! She felt the tears and she just released them! No embarrassment. No apology. She just completely owned that this was her emotion and she was going to release it and she did.

It was such a pivotal insight for me and linked me back to the corporate world.

What I wish I would have had the courage to do back in that office being reprimanded for standing up for myself was that exact thing. I wish I would’ve really owned that emotion.

I wish I would’ve said to him, “Excuse me. This is just so unbelievable and disappointing for me that I want to just let this out.” Then I would’ve cried for two minutes, wiped away my tears and went back to my job, business as usual.

And so what if that would’ve made him uncomfortable? I was a damn good employee and I took on the burden to stuff down my feelings for HIS SAKE rather than let out the emotions for MY SAKE.

As for Barbara not tolerating women who cry? I find that sad because it’s what I’m sure she had to do to get where she is today.

I also find it to be perfect example of the old masculine way of doing business, which I believe is archaic and in my heart I really feel it is crumbling.

I don’t want to be a woman in a man’s world.

I want to be an empowered, emotion-feeling woman with a multi-million dollar business.

We women are strong.

So I say we should fricken’ cry at work when someone is being an asshole and we realize that we are stuck there for a while longer until we can get a new job.

If they don’t want us to cry, then they should treat us nicely, am I right?

I want to be clear that I’m not saying be overly sensitive about every single thing because if you are having that many reactions you are probably in the wrong job and need a new one. Although if you cry all day and are a badass at your job, then maybe you should let them rip! Maybe it’s your super power.

I’m saying those moments when you’ve just had enough or are overwhelmed, we need to let that s*%t out!

When Barbara says crying is giving away your power, I say “wrong.”

To me, being in your power is releasing the emotions and refusing to stuff them down. That’s what makes us strong.

Going away to hide and cry privately seems much less in your power to me.

Thankfully, I have learned so much about energetic boundaries and no longer allowing anyone who mistreats me to be in my field, and I share some of that here in this video:

How to Thrive When You’re SUPER Ready to Quit Your Day Job but Can’t

I don’t think this only applies to women either. I have two sons and believe me, they don’t come out of the womb stuffing their emotions down. When they get hurt, they let it rip with the tears, rather loudly I might add, and when it’s all cried out they go on their merry, hand standing, ninja-warrior training way.

How about you? Have you been brought to tears at work? Did you bury the emotions or did you let them out so you could move on? I’d love to hear about it in the comments.

XOXO,

If you are not addressing your employee’s poor performance, you are not in your power. Period. Not only that, you are forcing that person’s co-workers to be at a disadvantage as well. If they know you won’t address the problem, they will feel stuck with it instead of empowered.

Here’s the thing, every company wants to run “lean.” To do this, you need a talented, highly engaged workforce. To get that, you need to hire REALLY well and then manage well too.

Bottom line, if you are passionate about your business, you deserve to have employees who are passionate about your business. Right?

Nothing hurts a company more than the unengaged employee who does just enough not to get fired. Or, more specifically does just enough to make it tough for you to let them go.

Maybe they don’t make huge mistakes, but they just aren’t getting the work done well and generally fall very short of what you expect the workload to be.

Leaving this person in their role and giving what should be their work to your “A” players, is NOT the way to go. I know it’s easier to give the work to the person who gets it done, believe me, I’ve been a manager, but it’s not a good long-term solution.

You know the saying “One bad apple spoils the whole bunch?” Well, that’s true when you have an employee who is not pulling their weight and the team knows they are picking up that person’s slack.

But the bigger issue is energetic. When you neglect to address the low performer, you are not in your power.

When you neglect to address the low performer, you are not in your power, they are.

I’m not talking about Machiavellian walk-in-and-terminate-everyone power. I’m talking about your energetic power where you address issues and take ownership of situations to resolve them.

It generally forces that person’s coworkers out of their power too if they feel management will do nothing to change things, or to back them up, and they feel stuck with that person’s behavior.

Additionally, ignoring the problem is not productive. With my career in Human Resources, I can tell you 100% that your other employees will spend their time discussing just how much that person is slacking and begin to resent you if you keep redistributing the workload. When it gets to the point where you star performer is taking on too much of their co-worker’s job for the same pay, they will start looking for a new job where they make 20% more and go back to having just their own work (see The Risk of Leaving Rewards on Autopilot).

So what can you do? Address the problem!

Sounds easy, right?

Well, it isn’t always that easy. We tend to get our emotions caught up in this process.

Maybe we feel responsible for hiring the person who is not performing and we keep hoping they will do better. Maybe we are super busy and we’d rather focus on our own work.

Maybe, just maybe, these conversations are difficult and if we are being honest about this, we just don’t feel like addressing it.

But, letting it fester, ignoring it, doesn’t solve it.

It gives the poor performer the power and they usually begin to demand more and feel more entitled – which is backwards!

Instead of ignoring the issue, or sweeping it under the rug, you can shift this energy.

In fact, even making the decision to resolve it, even if you don’t know how yet, will begin the shift.

The solution may not be quick. If you’ve neglected a problem for two years, you can’t expect to fix it in two minutes.

However, the good news is that once you start the process, the momentum will grow. So even though you may want to push back or skip it, when you begin taking action it shifts the energy for the better almost immediately.

It doesn’t shift the person’s performance necessarily, but the energy of “living with the problem” instead of addressing it will dissolve.

Addressing a performance problem, taking steps to fix it, has a much more positive vibe than ignoring it, doesn’t it?

Taking steps to fix an employee issue, has a much more positive vibe than ignoring it.

Taking steps also signals the employee that you are getting serious. If they’ve been unhappy and thinking of leaving anyway, it may get them to take action to start revising their resume and start job hunting.

Once you shift this energy, start looking for solutions, the employee and their co-workers will all feel it. Your star performers are your biggest concern, don’t lose sight of that. You want be legally cautious how you handle your low performers, follow your company guidelines, etc., but you want to keep in mind that top talent is hard to find. How you handle you “D” players, is affecting the retention of your “A” players. Big Picture!

Do you have employees like this? That sometimes you wonder why they even show up if they aren’t there to work? Or are you an employee living with co-workers like this? I’d love to hear from you in the comments.