Have you ever cried at work or are you in the tears-don’t-belong-in-the-workplace camp?

Now I’m not suggesting that you go to work every day and sit curled up in a ball and cry at your desk. But I am saying that I HATE this stigma that there should be no tears in the workplace.

We are weak if we cry at work, right?

Years ago, I was watching an episode of Shark Tank where Barbara Corcoran told a women that she wasn’t going to partner with her because she cried. She said, “The minute a woman cries, you’re giving away your power. You have to cry privately.” (I love the woman’s response in this post!).

I was thinking “Barbara! Shame on you!!!” Sisterhood, shmisterhood apparently.

Here’s the thing. And I know you’re going to be shocked. You really won’t believe it. It will seem on the cutting edge of modern thought, but here it goes:

PEOPLE HAVE EMOTIONS – EVEN AT WORK!

There, I said it! I know you can’t believe it.

Even further, crying releases those emotions so that you don’t keep them in. We aren’t meant to store our feelings or stuff them down. They become trapped energy. They become a shadow that needs healing as you continue on your merry, spiritual way.

It becomes residual energy rather than released energy.

Now a lot of people cry on Shark Tank so I didn’t understand what was different about this one woman, but in my mind the message was clear from Barbara – “You cannot be weak and crying makes you weak.”

Well, I think we can all agree that Barbara does not seem warm and fuzzy, but does seem a perfect role model for how to get ahead in a man’s world.

But I’m not choosing to live in a man’s world.

I can tell you that I cried twice at work that I vividly remember. Once when I felt my boss was harassing me and she was being so unreasonable that the tears just welled up. I gathered my things, left a voicemail for her, and went home. I came back that Monday to say that I wouldn’t tolerate it and was looking for a new job (which I did and got the heck outta there).

The second time I teared up in front of the President of the Company. I know he made a comment about having to be strong and not cry at work and I’m pretty sure I got demoted (or passed over for promotion) because of it.

Here’s the thing though. Both times I was in an unreasonable situation where I felt borderline abused. I felt I was being attacked, and the people who I expected to defend me were not.

Now, I have since learned how to have energetic boundaries and not be in those unreasonable situations (hello owning my own business means never taking orders from anyone), but in those times I needed the paycheck and was in a really crappy situation.

The time I got teary eyed in front of the President of the Company, I was dealing with a really aggressive sales team. My job was to make sure we were legally compliant, and their job seemed like it was to be really pushy, rude, and get their way no matter what. Even though my role was the gatekeeper, it was really unpleasant to be the one saying “no.” You know that saying “don’t kill the messenger?” Well I was the messenger day after day.

Finally I stood up for myself. I put in an email to one of the sales people that I’d had enough. That she should not be rude to me anymore. Good for me standing up for myself!

Except she had a great relationship with the President and in their eyes brought in a lot of money.

So I got called in for being rude in the email, even though I had countless emails from her demonstrating her behavior.

Which is what made me feel like crying. I felt like he was saying you have to take this abuse every day if you want to work here. Moreover you have to toughen up and not let it bother you.

Which may have been true. Maybe I did need to toughen up against it, but in that moment I felt really let down. Really disappointed that I was the one in trouble for standing up for myself and she was not for being a bully basically.

If I could do anything differently, let me tell you what I would do, even though I didn’t think of it until 10 years later.

Last June I went to a women’s retreat. I didn’t know anyone and I flew to England to go and it was AWESOME!

The first day we sat in circle to introduce ourselves. We got to one woman and as she explained what had drawn her to be in this group she began to cry. She said, “Excuse me. This is so emotional for me. Allow me to just get this out.”

She cried for a good two minutes and we all sat and patiently, warmly waited.

When she was done, she wiped her eyes and continued on without a hint of tears.

I was amazed! She felt the tears and she just released them! No embarrassment. No apology. She just completely owned that this was her emotion and she was going to release it and she did.

It was such a pivotal insight for me and linked me back to the corporate world.

What I wish I would have had the courage to do back in that office being reprimanded for standing up for myself was that exact thing. I wish I would’ve really owned that emotion.

I wish I would’ve said to him, “Excuse me. This is just so unbelievable and disappointing for me that I want to just let this out.” Then I would’ve cried for two minutes, wiped away my tears and went back to my job, business as usual.

And so what if that would’ve made him uncomfortable? I was a damn good employee and I took on the burden to stuff down my feelings for HIS SAKE rather than let out the emotions for MY SAKE.

As for Barbara not tolerating women who cry? I find that sad because it’s what I’m sure she had to do to get where she is today.

I also find it to be perfect example of the old masculine way of doing business, which I believe is archaic and in my heart I really feel it is crumbling.

I don’t want to be a woman in a man’s world.

I want to be an empowered, emotion-feeling woman with a multi-million dollar business.

We women are strong.

So I say we should fricken’ cry at work when someone is being an asshole and we realize that we are stuck there for a while longer until we can get a new job.

If they don’t want us to cry, then they should treat us nicely, am I right?

I want to be clear that I’m not saying be overly sensitive about every single thing because if you are having that many reactions you are probably in the wrong job and need a new one. Although if you cry all day and are a badass at your job, then maybe you should let them rip! Maybe it’s your super power.

I’m saying those moments when you’ve just had enough or are overwhelmed, we need to let that s*%t out!

When Barbara says crying is giving away your power, I say “wrong.”

To me, being in your power is releasing the emotions and refusing to stuff them down. That’s what makes us strong.

Going away to hide and cry privately seems much less in your power to me.

Thankfully, I have learned so much about energetic boundaries and no longer allowing anyone who mistreats me to be in my field, and I share some of that here in this video:

How to Thrive When You’re SUPER Ready to Quit Your Day Job but Can’t

I don’t think this only applies to women either. I have two sons and believe me, they don’t come out of the womb stuffing their emotions down. When they get hurt, they let it rip with the tears, rather loudly I might add, and when it’s all cried out they go on their merry, hand standing, ninja-warrior training way.

How about you? Have you been brought to tears at work? Did you bury the emotions or did you let them out so you could move on? I’d love to hear about it in the comments.

XOXO,